so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
