So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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