when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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