The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
