You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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