When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize