I hate your face
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
