Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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