He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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