Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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