I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
