you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
