like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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