You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
