Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
