i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am available for nakedness
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
