My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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