I hate your face
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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