Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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