you have to choose: penises or morals?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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