I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
