at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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