Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
