you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
