dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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