I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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