i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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