who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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