Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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