I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
