I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
