Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We talked him into tasing himself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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