You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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