You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
