dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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