I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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