shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
