I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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