Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
