you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
