I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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