why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
