Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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