Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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