brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
