But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
