'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
