She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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