4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
