the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize