so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
