Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
