Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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