"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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