he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
