my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
