Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
two words: eviction party
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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