I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
