my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
