I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
