i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
