do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
