I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
