For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
