Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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